Who decides?

Well, today's a difficult thing for me to write.

If you follow my posts you'll know I once wrote about a boy, one who disappointed me in a awful way in which my "friend" was involved.

Anyways, already a couple of years after that, and I'm over it, but who really decides if I'm over it?

Apparently my brain's not really over it due to the fact that last night he was the main-character of my dream.

And I must admit it was not a bad dream, yet, it was not good.

It was really realistic.

It felt really realistic.

So in this dream, I went to this event or so, it was so crowded... And there it was.

My eyes got him almost automatically, I couldn't believe it was him.

I wished we didn't make eye contact but we did. We came right to me.

"Hello" he said.

Exactly with the same tone and voice that I remember he has.

I stared at him.

"How could you..." I replied.

Of course his best answer was to suggest we should talk.

"Let's talk it off" I imagine he was more willing to say. But he likes to maintain his rightness.

"Well, I already cried it off" I thought.

Next thing I know is that we were sitting on the floor with a cup of champagne each, just talking about everything but what happened.

Talking like nothing has change at all.

And then she arrives, and that look.

We made eye contact and her look, almost made me feel as she was sorry for what happened.

Well, I am sorry, they gave me a lot of happiness back then. But shit happens, right?

No words between me and her, and then I woke up.

So can somebody, please, tell me what kind of sign is this?

Because it was such a realistic scenario. I am almost sure that if those are the circumstances of our next meet, it would happen right like that.

And is that bad?

Well, there's a lot of things I can't tell.

What I do can tell is that I got over it long time ago.

But as I can see, my mind is not really over I think. Somehow, there's no feelings involved. It was just and purely, words. 

Feelings affair.

I am assigned to write an essay for my Chinese class, and between the topics I found this one particularly interesting, 「感情的事」which means "feelings".

And maybe I found it interesting because I don't know what to say about it, and who knows anyways?

I mean, what is a feeling? Who decide whether you're feeling or not? Who decide what are you feeling?

Who named them?

I mean if we have to describe we would just say that what we call 'love' is just the excessive release of dopamine in our brains.

And what we call 'happiness' can be manipulate as easy as just wearing a shirt which color we don't like.

And 'like' would be just something we find cute, physically cute or maybe mentally cute.

So how can somebody ask such a thing like to express in 400 Chinese characters what is my opinion about feelings.

It is a delicated topic, extremely relative. You could agree with what I say just as easy as I could fail because the teacher simply doesn't follow my ideals.

I believe some people are more capable of expressing feelings into words than others simply because some people can spot the separating line between every feeling.

I'm not a champion on that matter if I must confess.

I think some people have like a room where every feeling has it own box and you can not open one box without all the others being closed, so they know exactly what box is open and they know what it is in it.

Other people, like me, just have one big box in which they take the first thing they can grab and sometimes it's all mixed.

Have you ever wonder why do we feel? Or what if every people feels different stuff and the human race just named the ideas that sound similar?

What if 'love' is simply and just monotony? Getting used to something at a level that you feel you just can't live without that?

I'm sure no people in this world can die for love, but I am also sure that there's a part in every one of us that will make us unable to live if we ever lose that one thing that we love.

Life is so full of different things. 

And the people who live, those lives are full of feelings. And even the simplest thing will cause an unique, special chemical reaction on their brains.

And then, the people who are just alive, those just watch their days pass, feeling nothing about nothing and enjoying their emptiness.