I feel a weird sensation every time I have to say Goodbye, it's not that I hate goodbyes, in fact, to be more precise, I feel kind of relaxed when I say goodbye.
I understand I have a very questionable point of view, but, before you judge anything, let me explain myself to you.
I don't like goodbyes, but that doesn't mean that I hate them.
I feel relaxed, I mean, when you say goodbye, means that something is ending, but what if it's supposed to end? What if that's the only way to make a new start?
Goodbyes are difficult, and most, when you can't express yourself as you'd like to.
I met a boy 3 months ago. And for those out there who don't believe in coincidence, let me ask you something. How, if it's not coincidence or destiny would it be possible that two people from whole different countries, would be sent at the same time to study the same thing in the same university, and then meet in such a random way like inside the bus of the university trip? How? It has to be destiny or a big coincidence, and by big I mean a universal size councidence.
So, he's one of those people that your mind is attracted to. I find him such an interesting person that I want to question everything he says, not because I doubt, but because I want to hear his explanation of everything.
But, of course, it's more difficult than it looks, because of course, he created his life here and I created mine, and both lives are not attached at all.
But still, just talking to him on the hallways of the university, just staring at him, see how he does everything, that was fine for me.
It was not enough, but I think it'll never be enough with such an interesting person like him.
And maybe I am the only person in the world who finds him interesting, who knows. The only thing I know is that I can't tell you exactly what is it that I find in him.
It's not physical attraction that I feel for him, and not because he's ugly, believe me, how he looks is just a big bonus.
I think it's something deeper than that... Something more rational.
I like how he acts, how he talks, how he thinks, how he react, how he anylize everything and how I like to anylize him. I like to wonder what he is thinking and I like more the fact that I can never know.
But, should I tell him? Of course not. Life's a big box full of little surprises and some surprises have to end.
But, do I want it to end? No. I wish I could hide his passport so he could not go. And I've told him that a couple of times, but of course, he takes it as a joke. But, the truth is, I am so serious...
I wish I could have him everywhere I go.. And I can't say "have" him, because, do I want him?
Well... That's another question.
What I'm sure about is that I would like to anylize him a little more, hear him a little more, know him a little better...
Or maybe that's not possible, or maybe I would like him more...
The only thing defined right now is that he goes away in a few days, but, how to say goodbye?
Should I hug him? But what if I feel like crying? I got used to him, is it okay to cry? Or maybe not in front of him... Or maybe I should just say goodbye? Or say something sweet? Or should I write him something? Wait, I am already doing that, or no, because this is about him, not for him.
There's a lot of ways to say goodbye and yet I can't find an appropriate one.
I don't want him to think I'm childish or non rational but I want to show him that his absence will make a difference for me.
How to do that?
Sometimes, I think I make myself a lot of useless question.. But are they really useless?
Well, for now, I just wish I can see him again, and that's why goodbye make me feel relaxed, because, you have the opportunity to say goodbye, and that means that maybe, life will give you the chance to meet again, because if you notice, normally the people that disappear from your life for ever... There's no goodbye involved.
Even if this may sound a bit irrealistic, but, if I may confess, I do have the hope that I would see him again in some corner of the world.
