Is it enough?

You should never feel it was not enough unless you didn't do your best.

 Time is a little bitch. Plays with us, with our feelings, but at the same time, time is so relative… yeah, it is definitely a big bitch.
I feel I didn't do enough, not because i didn't do my best, but because there was no time for it.
I've been told a couple of times that I am a little bit slow minded, and if it's true what I've heard, then why life play with me like that, bringing and taking things from my life in such a fast way like an atomic bomb.
I thought I was prepare to say goodbye, that it would be simple and easy. but no. not at all.
He took me totally unprepared.
we were on the 50th anniversary of the language center in the university, and, I was so concentrated on his performance, on every detail of what he did. And suddenly, because coincidence is almost as bitch as time, I went outside on the break, I saw his friends and they said: "Are you looking for him?"
And my mind had one of those atomic bomb moment when it starts working so fast and it was processing a lot of things in the same moment. "Should I be looking for him?" was my first self-question; "What for?" I continued thinking… and in the amount of seconds I said: "no." in such confused but cold way. "I am looking for the bathroom" I kept saying. Then I just turned and kept walking.
My mind was in a big blank after that.
I felt like something was happening but my mind was just not realizing.
I swear, when I realized what was happening, that was, I cannot say the last thing I would have thought, because that makes it an option, that was not even an option on my mind.
seconds after I sat down again, He came. I stand up and I was just smiling in front of him, like always.
And he sadly said: "we are going to the airport now"
It was like if somebody cut the bridge of reality that I was standing up. And I didn't even know I was on that bridge until I figured out I was falling.
I couldn't stop looking into his eyes. trying to feel what he was feeling. Using my last chance to understand him.
And I failed.
My emotional side won, luckily I could stop my tears letting them to make a pool on my eyes but not a single drop going out.
I felt like hugging him and never letting him go. "It's not fair" I said completely shocked.
"I know" He quickly answered.
I felt like saying a lot of things. "I want to know you, really know you, understand you, you can't go now".
but I didn't say not even one of the stuff I thought. And I was not afraid. It was just not necessary.
And he went. And I cried.
And I keep crying, but I also still hoping. I am full of hope, that destiny, will be my side one day, and will let me see him again, hug him again, analyze those eyes again.
Goodbye is not the hardest, the hardest is getting used to your absence.