What about that second?

"Life moves very fast.

It rushes from Heaven to Hell in a matter of 

seconds."

- Paulo Coelho

Have you ever wonder why or what happens to -that- second?
the second when your life changes.
you have seconds like that everyday and maybe you don't even realize.

you know like that moment when you are late for something and you are already out you realize you forgot something, so here's my theory, what if life changes are not about either you go back or not, but about that second in which you stop everything you're doing just to decide to back or not to go back.
at the end, it doesn't matter, but that second, just changed your life in so many ways.
because of that second, the traffic light would be green when you arrive and you won't have to wait, or maybe you crashed into that person who will change your life, or maybe you will avoid a car accident, all of that can change for one second.

or when you are taking a shower and you spend one second to pick the soap that just feel on the floor. so you go out, you get ready, you look out the window and you see it's raining, but maybe one second ago it wasn't and you would have gone out without umbrella. and then you would have gone back to pick your umbrella, or maybe not, and there goes another second.

and just like that, your life change every single day with every little detail.
but maybe it's just coincidence, you could think, well, you see, I don't really believe in that, I think coincidence is just another thing that the human beings invented to blame on the things they don't know or can't explain.
like life.

but you see, I'm just a 20 years old girl, and that's just a theory of mine.
but what if, maybe, that night when those bad men irrupted my house I had look for one more second to the back yard, maybe, and I say just maybe, I would have seen them.

Life changes a lot in just one second.
and you know, that's what I love about pictures, the capture and freeze that second of your life, impossible to reproduce, but yet, impossible to change.

I said no. Again.

Sometimes it gets really difficult to say no.

Specially something you do want, but you know it's wrong.

So it becomes a war between your heart and you mind.

And at that moment, you wish you could love more rationally and think more emotionally.

But you can't.

You must decide, you must be sure, you can't stay gray forever. You have to go black, or you have to go white.

And in my case, saying "yes" was going black.

So I went white.

I wanted to go black, but the right and rational thing was to go white, so I went white, and I thought that was it, I thought I would just get over it. 

And even with this cold heart of mine I felt pain, I felt pain for not going for what I wanted. But pain made it easier to get over it.

Every time I felt weak, and my feelings were winning, I just started counting the tears. And then it was alright, I was more rational.

But what happens when you have to make that decision again?

When you don't know if life is giving you an oportunity or just proving you.

Well, I was there, hearing him talking, and I was thinking, I could say yes, I could be 'happy' again, and then I remembered I was not happy with him. 

But I still have something inside my heart for him. So, it was difficult, but I went white again.

And, it felt weird.

It felt like when you do the right thing but the right thing was not what you wanted, and it felt like that because it was exactly that.

But I was doing good, I was happy, I was enjoying my last times in this country, and then boom, he told me he had to talk to me, but did I want to?

Of course I was curious, but talking to him would be like I'm still interested of what he has to say, and I'm not. At all.

I don't care what he has to say, because he's just words, and I don't believe in words, because words mean nothing, and whatever he had to say, wouldn't make a difference on my decision.

I said no.

I told him that I don't want to talk to him, so why is he making it more difficult, why he kept talking to me?

That's not fair. But life's not fair.

And it's all consequences of my decision of being with him in the first place.

So I can't blame that on him.

So I guess it is fair.

You know what's the problem with being cold hearted? That when we get into something, we're really into that. But people don't know that, they just see us as emotionless people who like to have fun.

We do feel.

And when we feel, we truly feel.

We don't know anything about superficial emotions.

And we cry.

And we get sad.

And he made me sad.

And I love to write but I can't print my disappointment on my blog.

Everybody always judge cold people, that they're bitchy, that they don't feel, etc

But nobody really cares about why we are like this, and, if there is something to do to fix it.

Love can fix anything, right?

I like to believe that, and if it's a cruel lie of this world, then let me live deceived.