The world keeps turning.

This place, this city, this country, this continent where you are right now, it's just a small part of a giant ball that we, simple humans, called earth.

And it turns and turns and turns... 

Some people tend to see the world smaller than it is. They think, or at least they dream, they can go anywhere and they want to go everywhere, just wanderlust.

Some people tend to see the world bigger than it is. They think it is so impossible to move, to travel, to discover, the think everything is so far.

And some people tend to not see the world at all, yes, believe or not, they're some people that actually ignore the world, for them, their comfort zone is the world, everything else outside, doesn't really matter.

Some people have distance between each other, some people are too close.

But is a giant ball, so the farther you go, the sooner you'll be together again it's just that you'll be in the other side of the ball.

Well, I have a life in three different sides of this ball and yeah, it is difficult but that open your mind a lot and make you realize how small the world actually is but at the same time, full of little things to discover. You'll never get tired of it.

I mean, life can have a lot of fun if we learn to live with curiosity.

I do not consider myself wanderlust, I love to travel, to discover, to experience new, different things but I need a place that I can call "home".

I need to once in a while think: I'm happy because I am home.

Or

I want to go home.

Being abroad is always difficult, I'm in the middle of the year that I have to spend here and there's a lot of reasons why I want to go but there's also a lot of things I don't want to leave.

People say that the one that stays is always the one that suffer the most, but who said the one that goes doesn't suffer?

The world won't stop, for any of us.

The clocks will keep tic-tac...

And my biggest fear is not making the best of every second. 

Imagine that every person has a notebook, imagine that just before sleep, every person wrote the things that made them happy in that day.

Now think about when you're angry, when you're bitchy, when you're sad, when you're busy, think about every moment that you didn't smile to others when you could, when you didn't say hi, or thanks.

Now what if, that smile that you didn't give, would have been the only thing written on the page of that person.

Life is simple, love is simple, happiness is simple.

We, as humans, like to complicate things.

Letter to the boy I'm falling in love with.

You.

You who appeared from nowhere and decided to, I would not say change my life because that would be mainstream, but you change my way of thinking, my way of expressing, you make me swallow all my "I would never"'s. 

And all that is awesome, it feels awesome at least.

But I would like to have more time, I would like to love you more.

I would like to explain you the fact that I'm not the kind of girl who get attached but in fact, I am a free soul extremely opposite to the idea of being catched.

But you, oh you, you change all that transforming me into a hopeless romantic waiting for your text every morning.

You have the power to change this free soul into something else.

Something that would be too difficult to explain but that can be resume into the fact that, I am getting used to you.

I am getting used to the randomness of our days together.

I'm getting used to your smile, to the way you look at me, the way you hold my hand, the way we joke... 

I'm getting used to the happiness that you trigger in me. 

Everything seems to fit, like two puzzle pieces, everything seems to flow, and for that reason, I do not feel weird when I get lost in you, because in you I can also find myself.

I need someone.

Everybody in this world is different. Everybody has different beliefs. And that is completely right.

But, have you ever wonder something:

Does your beliefs support your dreams?

Well, I am not able to answer that question myself.

Maybe because I am not sure about my beliefs either.

I am so lost and yet I am so sure about what I do not want that for me it seems senseless the fact of not knowing what I want.

This is everything a problem that comes along with overthinking. 

I am so lucky and yet I feel I need things, not material things, but heart filled things.

I need someone who loves me, for example.

I need someone who understands me, one that says: yeah, I feel the same way! And then I'll look like a freshman student looks the math teacher the first day of class. Surprisely realizing that that person understood what I poorly explained.

I need a soulmate, or maybe two.

That one soulmate who is destined to be your friend and that one who has different possibilities.

I need a robber, one who steal smiles from me every once in a while.

I need a friend.

I need an observer, the ones that ask you: "what's wrong?" When everything seems to be right, the "I'm not stupid, I know you're not right" kind of observer.

I need a stranger, and I need a smile from that stranger. 

I need someone who tells me "good morning, have a nice day" just because.

I need a dancer, because those find music in everything.

I need a genius, so he can then explain to me how my mind works.

I need love.

I need someone who says: "you know, I'm proud of you".

I need someone who supports my dreams. 

I need an honest look.

I need someone who believes that what I do, is good.

I need the sunshine.

I want to see the world, I want to know a lot of people, I want to understand because I saw myself and not because I was told to.

I need a goal.

And for that, I need less plans. I need to think less and focus on living.

A life changed with a single look.

What would you think if a random guy adds you on Facebook, you know his brother, he is cute, you accepted.

Now, he was the topic of our conversations the day after, it was simply a random new thing to talk about, I silently stalk his photos, and then I went to class and forgot about him.

After class, I was walking back home with a group of people, I was telling my best friend about him on our way, suddenly, it happened, I cannot explain why I looked inside that restaurant at that exact moment, but I did.

And he was there, standing, and we look each other in the eyes, and I swear, it was the longest look, everything was slow motioned, like if the time had stop to let us appreciate that moment, like the world froze, and we froze with it, but instead, we froze looking directly at each other's eyes.

After that, I just kept walking, I did not say anything.

It felt magical, "I need my time to understand this" I said to myself.

"What was that?" I thought.

Maybe just a random senseless look, just a prove that we got to match in time and place.

Whatever it was, it happened again.

Well, how to say, I've seen this guy kind of a lot... And, every time I look at him, every time my eyes get to match with his, it's like the very first time, that big coincidence when we didn't even talk ever.

Every time I am with him, it is just like the first time, we have kind of an eternal first date.

And I love that.

But I did not realized the feeling that was involved with that, until last week.

It was Saturday, I had practice the whole morning, and then, I went to his house, I was so tired, I spent the whole way in the metro reading a book trying not to sleep; and then we were just there at his house laying on the sofa talking about senseless stuff, suddenly he was doing something in his phone, and I immediately fell asleep, like a little child after dinner, I did not realized until I woke up, and he was there looking at me, hugging me, I sleep with the comfortable feeling of his arms, and I did not realized until I woke up.

I woke up saying: "shit, it's late, I should go home because we are going out later"

I took my phone, and there was a message, it was from him, I opened it and it was a picture of me sleeping in his arms with the phrase: "I like you"

My heart melt, it had become liquid, I did not say anything, I smiled, and I went.

Few days later, it was kind of the same thing, we were there talking, suddenly we both fell asleep at the same time I supposed, I kind of woke up, and he was the first thing I saw, the second was realizing the we slept holding hands, we didn't separated our hand while we were sleeping, I smiled, I did not care about the time, I slept again. 

"Overthinking is like my second name" cit.

So as you've seen how I wrote the tittle, that phrase wasn't said by me, which do not mean that I haven't say or think that before.

This, in fact, I saw it in the Facebook wall of a friend of mine, and was followed by a lot of interesting comments.

But I don't know why, this phrase inspire me to write.

I mean, yes, I feel accurate, and at the same time not.

I don't really believe in the zodiac, but I am geminis, and what I believe is that in those beliefs, I am a person with an inside war of two different persons inside one body.

I overthink a lot, pretty much everything that happens in my life. But at the same time, I hate to do that, it's pretty much as If I do it automatically.

So if you are an overthinking person, you will understand that you have those moments of: "hell, I don't know what to think".

And in my almost 20 years of life, I've learned that, maybe that is the problem, to think.

I am not saying you should not think the things but what is the point of thinking about something that has already happened, I mean, you cannot change it, you just hurt yourself trying to convince about a "what if" that would never be more than a "what if".

If you take a look, you will realize, it isn't what it should have been, it is not a "what if I...", it is not a "maybe if...".

It is what it is. And you cannot change that.

You can learn and use that to make your future better.

Also, overthinking problems, simple, don't. 

Problems pass away, you'll either find a solution or not. In any case, you'll have to wait.

Everyday I remind to myself: stop overthinking.

And it is as simple as I believe overthinking kills your happiness.

In the end, 99% of the things we worry are in our mind, it is worse what we think it is, or what we think it'll be, than what it is in reality.

What's your story?

If somebody tell you they want to make a book about your life, would it be good?

Would it be the kind of books you like to read?

Which section would it be placed on the library?

Would you be proud that people read it?

But, have you ever wonder, and I supposed no, what's the story of every person you get to see everyday?

I have a weird passion and a big curiosity about hearing every person's story.

Like if I have to travel alone, and it's a long way, I like to talk to the person next to me and just ask: "what's your story?"

I've heard some crazy things.

The guy who went out from home when he was a teenager and it's finally coming back, or the girl who's taking a long trip to see the guy she loves, also the friends who decided to have a big memory in common by traveling.

I've heard sad stories, like the people who travel because somebody is sick or dead.

Some happy ones, like the friends that live far and are finally meeting.

Or the people who are going to visit their parents. Maybe the people that work or study far away and are coming back for vacation.

Lot of things happen everyday, and most of us, don't notice.

Things change, people die, babies come to the world, people taking big steps, lot of things happen everyday, and still most of us are always worried about the future.

Future? What is future?

For me is just an idea that society has made us believe about some mysterious thing.

Future is something we don't own, we have no power over it, and no way to know anything about it, but in the end, most of us, we trust everything to the "future".

The future is an uncertain thing. It's insecure, I mean, I don't even know who told the human kind about the future that made this race be so sure about "tomorrow"

I mean, why are you so sure that you have a "tomorrow" to count on?

People stop appreciating today, waiting for tomorrow, and tomorrow, never arrives.

People stop putting attention to those small, amazing details that life has because they want to live fast, they want today to end, they want tomorrow.

But what if today is the best you have?

So do you want to make your story about a person who's waiting for tomorrow, or you want a story about a person who lived?

I see a lot of humans everyday, I see human beings that are alive, but I see just a few people that are living.

How to know if I'm strong.

So maybe when you read the tittle you think it's about something physical, but no, I think my muscles are okay by now, this is about my psychological strength, and is a serious topic.

At least for me it is.

6 months ago I thought: "1 year, I go to this country that I don't know anything about, I learn Chinese, finish, easy and fast".

I've never been so wrong in my life.

Now, first of all, you may think: "what were you thinking? It's Chinese, of course it's difficult"

But let me tell you, that's not my biggest problem.

Chinese is actually easier than I expect.

My problem it's a lot of small problems together that make a huge problem and chinese, in fact, it's the main problem, but not Chinese itself, but the way I learn it.

I am normally a happy girl, I'm always trying to look the positive way of everything, and now I can tell I'm in the kind of mood that I completely understand why there's so many crazy people in this world.

There's a war in my mind, a big one.

The solution is easy, a US$2,000 flight to Dominican Republic.

But, what about my friends? What about my cheerleading team? What about my grades? My goals? What about this guy that seems to be my spark of happiness here?

It is wrong to go like that, with incomplete stuff, it is right to go when my time to go comes.

But in the meanwhile, it's a hard time for me.

Some days, I just want to say: "fuck you" repeatedly, go to my room, take my passport, no bags, taki, airport, go home.

I swear my mind just refuse to accept the fact that I have my days scheduled, that I know exactly what I'm doing everyday, that everyday is the same, and that I can't do anything about it.

I swear I can't keep eating the same food, seeing the same people, doing the same stuff, walking the same street...

I feel I was born for more.

I have a dream to reach, goals to complete, people expecting things from me, but what if this is totally not what I want in my life?

I'm depressed.

And I swear, those reasons to keep going are more important, I'm doing everything to relax my mind.

I'm doing everything to make the days go faster.

179 days left... 

I can do it. Or at least I convince myself about that every morning when the alarm sounds and I open my eyes in the same small college room.

But you know what, one day this will be all worth it, and that's what makes me keep going.