I'm laying down, I can feel the sand, it's hot and soft... I can see the sun burning my skin, the clouds, I love seeing the clouds.
Hearing the waves, one after another, smelling the salty air.
And think, that would be the right moment to clear your mind, let it blank, but I can't manage to stop thinking.
I think about love, because I would like to have a loved one here right now.
I think about friendship because, oh those beach parties are better with friends.
And I think about you. Because I don't know how to name you.
I do not love you. I never did, and I'm almost sure I never will.
But you did your job, you wanted to shake my world, and right now you're an earthquake, you made it stop working.
Why the air is so salty?
Why is that guy not noticing he's all burned?
Why is my phone so hot?
Why am I hungry?
Why you're not here?
Why am I thinking about you?
You see, I know all the answers, but some of them I just don't want to accept them.
Like, why you didn't say sorry?
Because you don't care, that's why. But why do I care?
Oh, that one I don't know.
I'm feeling, I don't know what to do with it. What can I do with all this that I'm feeling? Should I ignore it? Should I keep going with it? But I can't do that one, because that call of yesterday night, because of those words that came out of your lips, those lips that kissed my forehead once, those lips that said: don't worry. I won't let you down. And then you pushed me. And can I blame you? No. Of course not. I should not have feelings, right?
But then it comes who tells you that is okay to have feelings and it's okay to have pain, and it's okay to love. Because love is not pain. And because pain is just knowledge.
There will come the day in which that call on a Friday night, those words, those sentences full of pain, those breaths so you wouldn't notice my cry, those "why" in my head, and the "we should end this" that you said.
"We should", "we", we who? Because I didn't think I should have end it.
"I want to end this" would have been more accurate.
But who understands a person when the one trying to understand is dreaming with something totally different to reality?
Oh, no, I don't miss you, I stopped missing you when I realized that it was not time the problem, but your will to see me. That was none.
When there's a will there's a way, Avicii said in one of his songs, that song I love, that song I heard, right after I met you. Right after I thought I had control of the situation.
Oh how wrong I was.
No comments:
Post a Comment