That "20" on my cake.

Oh I was so happy when I saw that "20" on my birthday cake.

I thought "finally, I made it out of my teenage, everything will be easier now"

How wrong I was.

That "20" was like a declaration of war between destiny and me.

And that day, I said: "I won't desperate, I won't search, I'll take what destiny brings me"

But I never imagined destiny would bring me all together.

I planned to handle it one by one... Adventure by adventure...

Decision after decision...

But this is war.

It's so many things going on that my brain stopped working.

My eyes don't have tears anymore.

My ears don't want to listen.

My body just want to sleep... All day, everyday... For a while...

And there are people out there who understand you, no matter how complicated or weird you're situation is, somebody else out there is living the same. And they you find them, and it's the oasis on your eternal desert.

But I have two paths, and I'm walking in the middle, and I know, there will be a point when the paths will get distance, and I'll have to choose. 

But how to know which one?

It's like one is going to paradise, but it's a forbidden and unknown paradise, so you've heard it is but you're not sure. And if you go you can't go back.

And the other one. Keeps going on the places you know, and it may be paradise, but never as beautiful as you imagine the other one.

So what would you choose?

How can you be sure about which one will have happiness in the end?

And honestly I'm starting to think that "happiness" thing is just a fuel to make us keep going, to make us keep moving, all in different direction, but it doesn't matter because in the end, nobody knows what exactly is that they're looking for. 

So the first path is experience, someone that has lived what I'm living, and understand.

And the second one, would be someone that doesn't really understands, but cares for you, and listens to you. 

It's just that sometimes, not even I can handle myself, but I expect that someone does. 

And that's wrong.

But I have nothing to say to defend myself, it just happens. 

And I just don't know me anymore.

But I can tell you this...

When I saw that "20" on my cake. This is not what I expected. It was a trap. 

It was a war. Declared by destiny with a smile. With a cruel joy.