To you, Patrick

I want to make an open letter, yet, just two people will know who is it for. 

And one of them is me.

I'll make an open letter because I'm bad on telling things, more if it is about my feelings.

But you already know this, oh you know me so well.

So this is for you.

The guy who stopped me on my way to the airport and told me, "you don't understand, I love you" when I told him: "it's okay, it'll only be a year".

You didn't know, but your words that day changed me forever.

And for all those out there who say love is something that can't be seen; you're wrong.

I saw it on his eyes that day.

You just have to know where and how to see.

Your look, made me regret everything I was doing and everything I did NOT do with you.

It made me wish we did a little more, we talked a little more, we hugged a little more.

I didn't know how love looked like until that day. And yet, I took that flight.

And, you guessed well, when I came back, it was too late.

And for that, and more, I am truly sorry. 

It was cute, I must confess, to see you again when I arrived. 

I was sitting on that coffee shop, with my look lost, and oh, I was so happy to have you in front of me again. Yet, it felt weird.

It felt like a closure.

A closure that nor me or you decided. Or expected... 

You didn't understand much about my life at that very moment, and I didn't understand much yours either.

But honestly, I was so focused on those blueish gray eyes of yours, those that got me crazy when I met you. But not as crazy as when I saw you smile for something I did for the first time. 

I quietly listened to you, "he's happy" I thought, "he's so happy" and I felt relief.

At the end, that's what I wanted for you, that happiness that I couldn't, and still can't, give you.

After those words one year ago, after I took that flight... I had 15 hours to think, and those hours gave me a decision. A difficult one. 

"I'll forget about everyone for a year"

I promised...

I needed to get my goals clear.

And it was hard sometimes, but you must know, darling, I never gave up on you. 

I checked on you, to see how you were doing, to see if your smile meant true happiness... 

Yet, I know how unfair I was, daring to disappear one year without saying anything.

And I'm truly sorry, for all the messages I ignored, and for all those that I didn't send. 

For the calls I didn't make. 

For the explanations I didn't give.

This is for you, the guy who enjoyed being my Patrick when I wanted to be spongebob. 

I owe you an infinite thank you.